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June 16, 2013
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It’s alright.
I’m not going to judge your decision.
You’re not going to judge my decision.
You’re not going to judge
my decision.
I appreciate that,
I guess.
No, I lied.
I appreciate the effort.
I appreciate the effort you made
to tell me that you’ll still be here.
But those words,
your decision,
your choice,
those tiny, insignificant words,
sting.
It makes me cringe every time I hear
those words,
and I hear them far too often.
I hate those words with all of my being.
No matter how much I plead
that you don’t say them anymore
I know that you still think them.
I’ve spent bleary-eyed nights trying to tell you
that it’s not a choice,
because IT ISN’T.
I don’t know how to say it differently.
I never asked to be like this.
I never asked for everyone to look at me differently.
I never asked to be tormented by my feelings.
I never asked to be treated like I’m different,
just because of a part of me beyond my decision.
I never asked to feel like I’ll only be normal in death.
Please, just listen to me.
Please, never see sexuality as a decision.
Being gay is NOT a choice!
I don’t know anyone
who would decide to be tormented
by their classmates, community, or by themself.
I don’t know anyone
who wants to be beaten, abused, or killed.
I don’t know anyone
who wants to feel that death is their only escape.
I don’t know anyone
who just wants to be different, or special, or whatever that badly.
People aren’t gay because they want to be special,
and neither am I.
I’m gay because God made me this way.
And you want to know something?
I wouldn’t want it any other way.
I wouldn’t want
to lie
to the world, to you, to myself,
by saying anything else.
So, just listen for one more minute.
I am gay.
I did not choose to be this way.
Every time you say something about my “decision,”
you are hurting me more than you can imagine.
If you really care,
tell me that you’ll be my friend no matter what,
but please, please, please,
don’t ever say another word
about that “decision” that I never made.
If you really care,
just respect me,
not my “decision.”
Do me the easiest favor in the world:
make me feel normal.
Do me the easiest favor in the world:
don’t use those words again.
Do me the easiest favor in the world:
save my life.
This is the same piece I submitted before in the poetry format that I initially planned on it being.
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:iconstrudel--cutie4427:
Strudel--Cutie4427 Featured By Owner Jun 23, 2013   Writer
So true...
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:iconngeternal:
NGEternal Featured By Owner Jun 17, 2013
Nice ending.
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:iconnot-an-emo-girl942:
not-an-emo-girl942 Featured By Owner Jun 19, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Thank you. :)
Reply
:iconsnailpropulsionlabs:
SnailPropulsionLabs Featured By Owner Jun 17, 2013
Its true, those little words cut deeper than people choose to believe, if there is a decision, it is the decision to use those words.

*hugs*
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:iconnot-an-emo-girl942:
not-an-emo-girl942 Featured By Owner Jun 19, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
:hug: I absolutely agree. :)
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:iconsherlocked157:
Sherlocked157 Featured By Owner Jun 17, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
:icondaloveplz: Like it XD
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:iconnot-an-emo-girl942:
not-an-emo-girl942 Featured By Owner Jun 19, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Thank you. :)
Reply
:iconsherlocked157:
Sherlocked157 Featured By Owner Jun 19, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
NP!
Reply
:iconindigo-moon-shadow:
Indigo-Moon-Shadow Featured By Owner Jun 17, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Very nicely written. I like how it starts off sort of mysteriously and then becomes obvious what it's about. And it holds a very strong message that everyone should know.
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