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       I know homophobia.  I’m only seventeen, but I know what it’s like to be hated for everything I am.  I can tell you, but only in your heart.  Listen to me, and let me tell you how homophobia took over my life.

       Homophobia is being spit on.  I know to always watch out or risk another attack.  I know that no one will stand up for me today, that it will just be yesterday all over again.  I know that the worst thing to do is speak up.  I tried it once: they threw trash instead.  So I bite my tongue and hold back the tears.  I’ll cry later, after they’ve all gone home, and my mom still hasn’t come to pick me up.  I’ll cry in the empty bathroom until she comes; and I’ll go home, fall in my bed, and cry some more.  I’ll cry alone as I peel the gum wrappers off of my dress.  I’ll cry alone for years because there is no one else to cry alone with.

       Homophobia is sexual harassment.  It’s the hoots and hollers of a teenage boy prying into my life.  I don’t know him, and he doesn’t know me.  He just knows I'm a lesbian, and despite all the times he pushes me, tells me I'm going to hell, he thinks it’s kind of hot.  So, he asks me everything.  He pushes me against a locker in the eighth grade hallway and demands I answer.  He makes catcalls and screams all of those damned questions when he follows me to my bus.  But I know that he is still better than the demons others face.  He’s never tried to fix me, make me like men.  I’ve heard stories of lesbians facing terrible things.  Coming to school, getting grabbed because some teenage pervert thinks he can fix her.  I am just glad that I am not her.

       Homophobia is hate-speech.  It’s the hate that makes its way into the classroom, until every whispering student seems to say it: faggot, dyke, that’s so gay.  Suddenly, I'm no longer a human being.  I'm just an object to be described by the hateful masses.  I don’t have the right to think for myself because everyone else is already doing that for me: no one will let me fight back.  Good people say terrible things too.  They get trapped by the meanings they don’t care to hear until they don’t know how to break out.  They decide that they won’t.  They just look at me and tell me I'm being too sensitive.  I can’t even say who I am anymore.  They didn’t leave me any words to use.

       Homophobia is fear.  Waking up in a cold sweat, I can only hope that no one will ever find out.  I have to hope that the one person I confided in won’t tell a soul.  I have to hope that I can trust someone, and when I find out I can’t, I have to lose my faith in humanity.  Homophobia is fearing for my life in a small town, fearing hate crimes that no one will remember.  I have been afraid for a long, long time.  I can’t do anything to hide the fear.  I just cower in the corner of my bedroom and pray that I feel more normal, even just for a second.  I pray that there is nothing to fear, but in my heart I know there is.

       Homophobia is going to a church that hates “my kind.”  I listen to the hate-speech of a sermon from the front pew, wedged between the cold-hearted, well-intentioned parents who brought me.  Every time the pastor says how evil gays are, I cringe.  I die a little bit inside.  I harden my heart so no one can ever hurt I again.  I lose a little bit of my humanity.  I’ve already lost so much.  Every Sunday, like clockwork, I'm wasting away in that front pew.  Even when the pastor isn’t hammering self-loathing into my heart, I feel it.  I know what he thinks about me.  He doesn’t have to say it again for me to wish he would just take it back.

       Homophobia is eternal damnation. Some stranger looking me in the eyes and telling me I will go to hell.  Tell me God hates me.  People have done it before.  They say it behind a keyboard or to my face.  But mostly they say it with their eyes.  I see it.  I see the way they look at me.  There is a hatred in their eyes without even knowing my name.  They don’t look at me often.  I'm too sick and immoral for them to look at.  They only look at me long enough to remind me that I'm going to hell.  They have a look of accomplishment when they tell me my fate, like abusing a little girl will make God love them more.  They look like God’s children shouldn’t.

       Homophobia is knowing that you’re a second class citizen.  The Constitution that says we’re all equal is a lie.  We aren’t equal.  We aren’t free.  I know that it’s not fair or right, but I have to accept it anyway.  I’m too young to vote, so I’m too young for anyone to listen to.  I have to wait to be a citizen, but I know it might not happen.  Sure, the government might say we’re equal, but I’ll never feel it.  I remember never feeling equal, and I don’t think I ever will.

       Homophobia is a disease that’s a plague on the people our nation.  It invades every little corner of their minds until there is only one standard, accepted type.  It makes sure that I and people like me will always feel like less.  It is a disease that takes thousands to cure.  It takes thousands of protesters standing up for their beliefs.  It takes thousands of politicians who believe in progress.  It takes thousands of people opening up their hearts.  It takes people who believe in love, in who they are, in everything they stand for to cure this disease.  Everyone has a chance, but most people won’t take it.  You have a decision, a hand in my fate as much as I do. Will you be part of the cure?
This was for an assignment for my composition class. I would like to note that this is based on my past experiences. My situation has improved greatly throughout high school, and I've actually started a GSA at my school. Life can be hard, but we can always pull through. :)
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:iconmouselafay:
mouselafay Featured By Owner Jun 2, 2014
I haven't personally had to face this kind of cruelty but every time I see it I think that could be me ther're yelling at.
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:iconharrysaxon1234:
HarrySaxon1234 Featured By Owner Jan 15, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist

I agree. I. WOULD. STAND. UP. FOR. ANYONE.

DO?! YOU?! HEAR?! ME?!

ANYONEE!!!

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:iconnot-an-emo-girl942:
not-an-emo-girl942 Featured By Owner Jan 19, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
I. HEAR. YOU. :)
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:iconharrysaxon1234:
HarrySaxon1234 Featured By Owner Jan 21, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Good. :D
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:icon38020:
38020 Featured By Owner Jan 12, 2014
There is nothing I can say that hasn't been said, but I'll try.  For starters, you are a beautiful person who had the guts to speak the truth.  I have never been so touched in all of my life, except by another man who shaped my views on gays (K.C.).  I know that you think that there's no way out but that is a lie; life goes on regardless and, for better or worse, things change.  I sincerely hope that you find the love that you deserve and even  though I don't really know you at all I think that any girl would be lucky to have you. 
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:iconnot-an-emo-girl942:
not-an-emo-girl942 Featured By Owner Jan 15, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Everything you said was lovely.  I'm glad you liked my piece. :)
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:iconsiathesquidqueen:
SiaTheSquidQueen Featured By Owner Dec 19, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
it really does make you think doesn't it..."like abusing a little girl will make God love them more" isn't this hatred and pride?..isn't that sinful..he should know that. what these people did to you was WRONG this is no way to treat a human being no matter age,gender,race,religion or sexual liking...if anything these people must be sad inside if not then those people are just horrible and need to learn that...you are a wonderful person
never EVER let anyone tell you otherwise...
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:iconnot-an-emo-girl942:
not-an-emo-girl942 Featured By Owner Dec 19, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Thanks so much. :)
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:iconsiathesquidqueen:
SiaTheSquidQueen Featured By Owner Dec 19, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
no problem Hug 
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:iconlibbydear:
LibbyDear Featured By Owner Nov 18, 2013  Student Traditional Artist
Hope is real. Change will come for all of us. It has to. 
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:iconvampirafang1:
VampiraFang1 Featured By Owner Sep 30, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
yes I will be part of the cure! I'm sick of people saying gays and lesbians are going to hell. It makes me sick to my stomach that this happened to you, it shouldn't have happened. In my eyes you are normal and we are equals. Just because you like the same sex doesn't mean that you are abnormal and(what some people think) monsters.
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:iconnot-an-emo-girl942:
not-an-emo-girl942 Featured By Owner Oct 1, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Thanks!  Always good to hear someone's ready to stand up for what's right. :)
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:iconstaticwolfgirl:
StaticWolfGirl Featured By Owner Sep 30, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Let me start by saying that God does love you, and He always always will. No one has a right to judge you, especially people that proclaim Christianity. I'll be honest, I don't understand homosexuality, but I think I would have to be a lesbian in order for me to truly understand. But just because I don't understand it, doesn't mean I'm going to judge you for it. I'm a Christian, but I believe in God's word, not man's, and God tells us to love our neighbors as ourselves. I do my best to treat everyone with respect, and after all that you've gone through, I believe you deserve it the most. I'm proud of you for being so strong through this, and I am so so sorry that people have been so awful to you. Just please know that God loves you, and He will gladly accept you into His arms if you turn to Him. I'm not going to tell you what you should or shouldn't do because I'm human and I make mistakes 24/7. I'm here to tell you that there are people out there that will care about you regardless, and please don't let people put you down. Pray to God about your problems, and if you truly mean it from your heart, He will answer any questions you have 100000000 times better than I could ever dream of answering. :) God bless you, and stay strong. <3
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:iconnot-an-emo-girl942:
not-an-emo-girl942 Featured By Owner Oct 1, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
I really love seeing true Christians speak.  You along with many others are constantly building my faith in humanity.  Thank you so much. :)
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:iconstaticwolfgirl:
StaticWolfGirl Featured By Owner Oct 1, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
No thanks necessary, I'm just glad to be of any help I can possibly be! Thank you so much for not jumping down my throat because of my religion, it's so common for people to be bitter to all Christians after they have had bad experiences with false converts. I pray that people will stop terrorizing you, no one deserves to be treated like that, and I wish you the absolute best!!!
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:iconmiki-chin:
mIkI-chIn Featured By Owner Sep 29, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
wow~ powerful and touching -many thanks for sharing your beautiful soul with the world. I come from a small town in a die-hard catholic country and it makes me so unspeakable angry when people use god as an excuse for their own fears -and that again is so sad.
again -many thanks for sharing -let's hope for a better future. change takes a lot of time, but it's on its' way  :blowkiss:
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:iconnot-an-emo-girl942:
not-an-emo-girl942 Featured By Owner Oct 1, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
We always have to keep that hope alive. :)
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:iconim-o-kay-now:
Im-o-KAY-now Featured By Owner Sep 27, 2013  Student General Artist
Good for you girl, I just attended my first GSA meeting yesterday and I already know all of the hard work that will have to be put into this fight. I love a challenge, but more than that, I love my friends who are lesbians and bisexuals... I've heard the names they'd call them. Each time I heard the word "dyke" it was like I was being punched in the stomach. I remember being called gay... I didn't understand how only hanging out with others of the same sex could make you "gay" in society's eyes...but more than that I wondered why being gay was such a "bad"thing. I've grown a lot wiser over the years, and I just don't care about the opinions of the ignorant any longer. I will do what I want with MY life, my friends choose what to do with THEIR lives, just like everyone has a right to live their lives. Its a God given right, and so I will fight for the people who's rights have been taken and I'll be damned if someone thinks they can stop me. Until the day where all the walls crumble, until the day where all the locks rust and fall broken to the ground, until the day where my own some-day child can look at themselves and truly feel accepted for being themselves... Until that day, I WILL FIGHT FOR THE FREEDOM AND EQUALITY OF ALL MANKIND.
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:iconnot-an-emo-girl942:
not-an-emo-girl942 Featured By Owner Oct 1, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
I can't express how much I want to applaud you for that sentiment. :)  Never give up the fight.
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:iconslytherinsdaughter:
slytherinsdaughter Featured By Owner Sep 27, 2013
One of my friends is gay and she says it openly. She get verbally harassed sometimes but most people stand up against them. She is a ball of sunshine and cheers everyone up. Homophobia is horrible. And the thing is- when people are gay, nothing can change that, it's like being born with blue eyes- you can cover it but you can't change it. It's who you are. Sometimes I hate my fellow humans. We are all the same. every single one of us. They are just bullies who need to hate to feel better than everyone else.
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:iconnot-an-emo-girl942:
not-an-emo-girl942 Featured By Owner Oct 1, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
I wish people didn't feel the need to hate, and hopefully, people will move one someday. :)
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:iconluinsaro:
Luinsaro Featured By Owner Sep 26, 2013
Homophobia is also an excuse -- an excuse used by those who fear to give justification for their lashing out at what they fear and cannot understand, nor want to even try to because doing what is right and just is much harder than doing what is easy.

I am proud to say that I believe in God...but I don't spout the bible -- actually, I'm sad to see that a few who call themselves Christians really aren't, and are giving the rest of us who truly "talk the talk by walking the walk" instead of merely talking about it a bad rep.  I say, show me the exact book, chapter, and verse where it clearly says, right out there, no ambiguity, that "GOD HATES HOMOSEXUALS/TRANS/BI'S".  It doesn't.  Religion is a personal thing, subject to individual interpretation...and no matter what side of an argument is given, any one side can find things in the bible that somehow supports their argument -- even if the other side can use that same passage to support the opposition's argument.

Personally, I don't see gays.  I don't see blacks, yellows, whites, reds, punks, nerds, or any other "type/kind/race/gender".  I see PEOPLE.  I see HUMANS.  And I see good and bad in ALL types of sentient beings -- and I know that everyone has a right to their own flash of brilliance and stupidity alternatively.  Hitler was a human being; so was Mother Theresa.  One CHOSE to follow a bad agenda, one CHOSE to follow the personification of good.  The sad thing is that stupidity is growing more prevalent as common sense, thinking for oneself, and doing one's own research instead of following "party lines" dies.  And to me actions are worth more than labels.  I am more likely to be friends without fear of the dirty, homeless man who finds a lost child in the park and takes them to a policeman so they can find their parent than I am to be friends with the clean-cut, affluent person who turns out to be a spouse/child abuser.  I am friends with good people of all stripes, but won't tolerate people who look down on others thanks to a label that they feel gives them the right to do so.

You're not a "lesbo" -- you're a human being who happens to BE homosexual -- my friend-"sister" and her wife are too.  I don't give a rat's arse -- they are the most wonderful PEOPLE, God-fearing, loving, kind, helpful, and in our community proving that they are not to be feared or looked down on, for this was once a community similar to yours.  It is learning and growing, and as people realize that they aren't to be feared but accepted, it grows more welcoming to them.  I much prefer the idea of love the person, not what they do, but also the idea of taking that person as they are, warts and all, and accepting them as another child of deity, even if they've been taught they aren't.

Far as I'm concerned, God put all these different kinds of people (color, gender, homosexual, Type A, holier-than-thou, easy-going accept everyone, and all the rest) on Earth so that we here could learn a very important lesson:  we are ALL human; we bleed red; we feel, we think, and we cry; and if we can't eventually learn to get along with each other and accept each other as what and who we are, we're going to eventually fall apart and destroy that which we were given to take care of:  Earth itself.

May you find your way to the ONE (whatever you personally will call God, Goddess, Deity, or whatever) that decries what your pastor says as not THEIR word of love and tolerance, but the human word of fear, and may that love bless you and give you peace to be who and what you are. 
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:iconnot-an-emo-girl942:
not-an-emo-girl942 Featured By Owner Oct 1, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Diversity is one of God's greatest gifts to mankind. :)
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:iconluinsaro:
Luinsaro Featured By Owner Sep 26, 2013
PS -- those who might want to refute my words, go ahead.  First, I will probably read it and say "well, that's YOUR opinion just like what you read was MINE -- opinions are like arseholes, everyone's got one".  No skin off my back, and it will then be erased and forgotten about as I go on about my life.

Second, if it's a serious flame, I will ignore it save to use it to cook marshmallows for my S'mores.  Which in my opinion is the only good use for a flamer reply. 
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:iconacrylicolt:
Acrylicolt Featured By Owner Sep 26, 2013  Student Traditional Artist
WELL being a pastors kid and gay I can say I know this all to well. Thanks for using your class assignment to express something that is truly important. 
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:iconnot-an-emo-girl942:
not-an-emo-girl942 Featured By Owner Oct 1, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
:hug:  I can't even imagine what that's like.  I don't want to pry or anything, so feel free not to answer this, but how do your parents feel about it?
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:iconacrylicolt:
Acrylicolt Featured By Owner Oct 1, 2013  Student Traditional Artist
They don't agree with homosexuality or the lifestyles that its stereotypes entails.
 
They strongly suspect I am, they really do. There was also talk among the elders at the Church they said if it was true that I was indeed a homosexual that my father should step down as a pastor. There's not much I can do at this point until I just move out. I don't need to do anything unnecessary and cost my father his job.
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:iconnot-an-emo-girl942:
not-an-emo-girl942 Featured By Owner Oct 1, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
:hugs:  Oh, hun, I'm so sorry.  I hope it all works out in the best for you. :)
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:iconmatarahi:
MataRahi Featured By Owner Sep 26, 2013  Student
Very powerful! You know how to get emotions across!
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:iconnot-an-emo-girl942:
not-an-emo-girl942 Featured By Owner Sep 30, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Thanks!
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:iconmonami-kun:
Monami-kun Featured By Owner Sep 26, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Though I don't agree with homosexuality I also do not agree with treating any human being as less than what they are. :) So I'm with you on your argument.
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:iconnot-an-emo-girl942:
not-an-emo-girl942 Featured By Owner Sep 30, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
That's a damn fine thing too.  :)
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:iconblackshadowrose567:
BlackShadowRose567 Featured By Owner Sep 26, 2013  Student General Artist

If I knew who you are and saw you, I'd give you a hug.

Be brave.

The Gods and Goddesses I know love everyone, so I do too.

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:iconnot-an-emo-girl942:
not-an-emo-girl942 Featured By Owner Sep 30, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
:hug:  Glad to hear it. :)
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:iconblackshadowrose567:
BlackShadowRose567 Featured By Owner Oct 1, 2013  Student General Artist
Hug 
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:iconbloodyotaktay:
BloodyOtaktay Featured By Owner Sep 26, 2013  Student Artist
Stand proud! You're never alone!
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:iconnot-an-emo-girl942:
not-an-emo-girl942 Featured By Owner Sep 30, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
With the great support of the people in my life and on here I could never be alone. :)
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:iconreesesforce:
Reesesforce Featured By Owner Sep 26, 2013
This is such a courageous thing to do, to show what you've been through to people.

The people who spread hate--for whatever reason--are fools. Hating is a waste of time and energy, and it is so impractical; it is so much easier to spread kindness.

Keep your head up, and stay strong. :heart:
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:iconnot-an-emo-girl942:
not-an-emo-girl942 Featured By Owner Sep 30, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Love is for everyone and it's about time we share it. :)
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:iconforcesword12:
Forcesword12 Featured By Owner Sep 26, 2013
I'm happy you were able to pull through. Homophobia is not, nor will it ever be, right.
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:iconnot-an-emo-girl942:
not-an-emo-girl942 Featured By Owner Sep 30, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
I couldn't agree more.
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:iconlyrically-sadistic:
Lyrically-Sadistic Featured By Owner Sep 26, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist

Let me just Essay this to you:

 

The teenage boy who "pried into your life" isn't homophobic. He's a boy in the eighth grade which means he's a horny idiot. Hell, 99% of middle school IS horny idiots who know nothing of how the world works. They think what they've seen in a couple streaming videos of internet porn is real. They think they know what love is. They think they know more than people who have lived twelve, fifteen, twenty years longer than they have. And they think lesbians are amazing, lithe, magical creatures of voracious sexual appetite who might just turn bi for them. :lmao: They don't know shit.

 

Homophobia isn't being an unwarrented asshole to somebody just because they're gay; that's bigotry.

And nor is every single negative response towards people of the orientation you encounter bigotry. Take Colton on the current season of Survivor: Blood vs. Water. He's gay, but is that why everyone hates him? No. It is because he's a manipulative, effeminate, venomous, drama-creating, spiteful, hateful little man who incidentally takes it up the butt. Does anyone react the same way towards his partner, who sits on the opposing team and is also gay? No. He's accepted and well-situated. He's part of the majority allianace.

 

Hatred, like homosexuality, is not a disease. It's a part of humanity. You can't cure it. If they don't hate you because you're gay, they'll hate you because you're fat. If they don't hate you because you're fat, they'll hate you because you're poor. If they don't hate you because you're poor, they'll hate you because you're stupid. And if you're not any of those, they'll hate you for just the opposite.

 

So cheer up! The world is a giant asshole and as difficult as it may often be, it's up to you to make your own words when they leave you none, fight back whether they let you or not, eat hate-speech for breakfast and shit out the love you demand from others before lunch. Cheerio, my lesbian friend, and God bless!

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:iconnot-an-emo-girl942:
not-an-emo-girl942 Featured By Owner Oct 1, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist

Wow, thanks for the comment, I'm going to try to respond to all of your points as best I can.

 

First, I definitely believe that he is homophobic.  Merriam-Webster defines homophobia as an "irrational fear of, aversion to, or discrimination against homosexuality or homosexuals."  Yes, he was a horny idiot, but the fact that he specifically targeted lesbians and bisexual girls was bigotry, discrimination, homophobia.  He never harassed a girl if he thought she was straight, and he made that very clear.

 

Next, I completely understand that not every response to gay people is homophobic.  I know plenty of straight people that I don't get along with, and I know plenty of gay people that I don't like as well.  Everyone is different, and being gay doesn't change that someone is an asshole.

 

Haters gonna hate, but ignorance still sucks.  My comment is over. :)  Enjoy the rest of your day.

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:iconlyrically-sadistic:
Lyrically-Sadistic Featured By Owner Oct 2, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist

Well, here's the thing about the suffix -phobia, though: in every other instance of its use (arachnophobia, xenophobia, technophobia, etc., etc., etc.) its meaning is inherently indicative of a driving motivation of fear. I take issue with the use of the word "homophobia" to discribe this kind of behavior towards gays and lesbians because it implies an inherent fear of homosexuality, which is generally not the driving motivation behind most of the prejudiced behavior for which the label is used; rather, it more closely resembles the bigotry of the people who go "Gahdamn ferners r takd muh jobs fuck em go back t' yer own cuntry niggerjew!"

 

Since he went after lesbians in particular, rather than averting himself, his motive couldn't be an aversion to or fear of lesbianism. If he was worried you might turn him gay, that would be a different story. But I think including discrimination as a qualifier when the other 529 usages deal strictly with fear is at the very least a departure from validity and at most a clear misuse of the suffix.

 

So, bigotry? Sure. But homophobia? Nuupe.

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:iconnot-an-emo-girl942:
not-an-emo-girl942 Featured By Owner Oct 10, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
I don't think I've ever seen/heard someone take that stance on it before.  While I am going to continue using homophobia based on its dictionary definition, I think you have a valid point about its roots.  At the very least, your point is thought-provoking about the use and accuracy of the word.  Thanks for the perspective. :)
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:iconlyrically-sadistic:
Lyrically-Sadistic Featured By Owner Oct 10, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
No problem. 
:iconspockplz: Lez long and prosper.
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:iconathenagodofwisdom:
athenagodofwisdom Featured By Owner Sep 26, 2013   General Artist
I'm glad it's looking up for you, and I still don't understand why humanity is so stupid.
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:iconnot-an-emo-girl942:
not-an-emo-girl942 Featured By Owner Sep 30, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
People make mistakes, I just hope we can all move on from them someday. :)
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:iconoverrated-relish:
Overrated-Relish Featured By Owner Sep 26, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
I have to say something, even though you might have herd it before. I am a christian and I wouldn't mind being friends with gay or lesbians. Most Christians in the developed world are corrupt to think they are better then others, we call this be "religious" and it may seem weird, but it isn't the principles of being Christian. In the Bible Jesus mentions over and over again to love your other people and to not be religious. They only thing God says about being gay or lesbian is that it isn't real love, but a trick by Satin. ((And if you want to believe that or not it's up to you.)) He doesn't say to hate gay or lesbian people, but to treat them as humans like everyone else.

I hope you get my drift and don't judge Christians too harshly. The church these days is so bad I don't even bother going; I just do things myself.
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:iconnot-an-emo-girl942:
not-an-emo-girl942 Featured By Owner Sep 30, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
One of my best friends is a very conservative Christian, and I can certainly say that I'm not about to turn around a judge an entire group based on the actions of few.  She's never hurt me, and many good Christians in my life are just as accepting or at least willing to leave judgment to God, not themselves.  Corruption is everywhere, and while unfortunate, it's just better to move on and remember the good in the world.  That's what faith is after all. :)
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